Mar 30, 2022 2 min read talk-to-me-honey

Try to Understand Before Being Understood

Steve and I use this little gem all the time, but I also find it helps me in almost every situation, with friends and strangers alike.

“Try to understand before being understood.”

I definitely didn’t make this up but I did read it somewhere, and it really stuck with me.

Maybe it will help you too.

There are always frustrations in relationships – we all have constant expectations. We can unknowingly put a lot of pressure on those around us to be a certain way, and when things don’t go the way we had hoped, it’s easy to fall into the blame game to justify our unfulfilled expectations.

Try to understand before being understood. I think there is a lot of weight in this statement.

When I sense those feelings rise up (annoyance, anger, frustration) towards another person, I try to spend a minute thinking over a few possible feelings that they could be having:

How has their day been today?

What frustrations could they have encountered?

Could they feel misunderstood?

Have I been helpful to them lately?

Have I made them feel appreciated?

Have I fulfilled all of their expectations?

I find this almost instantly flips me into empathy mode, and all of a sudden instead of thinking how annoyed I am, I am thinking of ways I might be able to help them.

And yes, sometimes when I genuinely answer those questions, it’s not all rosy and maybe a tough conversation needs to be had. But more often than not I feel myself soften, and want to reach out and comfort/help them.

It’s so easy to feel we are doing all the right things in our lives and relationships, and never setting a foot wrong – but are we really?

We’re only human after all.

Food for thought.