With Compliments

Do you ever look at your partner or friend, and think something really nice about them? You perhaps look at them going about their day to day business and think “Wow she is so beautiful” or “He is so amazing, I’m so lucky to have him in my life”

I think we all have thoughts like this. 

But how often do we actually say what is on our mind, and tell that person?

If you do this often – I commend you. You are one of few. 

This practice is something I have found somewhat challenging to incorporate into my communication repertoire. Not only to loved ones, but strangers alike.

Why is that? 

Surely saying something nice to someone else should be easy, no? 

I have observed myself in many situations where something complimentary pops into my mind that I could say to another person, and for some reason, unbeknownst to me, that dang cat got my tongue. 

Here are some examples of pleasant comments I have found difficult to say in the past:

• *person working in a coffee shop* “You are really good at your job! It’s very busy in here  and you are still providing amazing service with a smile – thank you so much!” 
• *looking at Steve sitting on the couch* “You are so handsome” 
• *talking to my Mum* “The way you and Dad treat other people has really shaped the way I want to treat people. Thank you for giving me that example”
• *a conversation with a friend* “I am so impressed with the way you handled that situation. You really stood up for yourself – I’m proud of you!” Or “You look really pretty without makeup on” 

These are all really nice comments in my opinion, that could make that person’s day.

Yet at the time, when I thought about making the comment, I hesitated, and my throat felt like it closed up a little.

But, why? 

I believe there are a number of reasons behind the hesitation. 

For me, it could be :

• Fear of rejection – “What if I give this compliment, and the person laughs at me or thinks I’m silly for thinking that?” 
• Feelings of shame, or low self worth – “Who am I to be making this comment to them? I’m sure they know already and don’t need to hear it from me.” 
• Fear of abandonment – “What if I tell my partner how amazing I think they are, and then they realize it themselves and leave me for someone better?”

This may sound very dramatic to you, and yes, perhaps we have had different experiences with this, but think about it… 

What stops you from giving a compliment? 

What could happen if we decided to put our own fears to the side for a minute and follow our own lead?

• Our partner feels loved and admired by us, which deepens our connection
• A random stranger continues about their day with a little warm glow spreading across their chest, thinking they may have done something worthwhile 
• Our friend feels cherished/validated/appreciated/loved. Maybe they really needed to hear that comment that day

By fighting that little wave of hesitation, and delivering the msg, not only could you be exhibiting an act of kindness; it goes deeper. You could also be demonstrating a new way of being to anybody in your presence. People are always observing, even if they don’t realize it. When we have the courage to truly be seen – to say the thing others might be afraid to say – we pave the way for others, who may still be looking for that courage. We are unconsciously encouraging others to speak their mind, also.

This can cause a ripple effect that goes far beyond what you might imagine. 

Just one little comment that you chose to speak, instead of keeping it to yourself…

It is a wonderful experience to be in the presence of someone who feels admired, celebrated and appreciated, just for being themselves. 

So why do we refrain from helping to create this feeling for others, and ourselves? 

Now, when I feel that little prompt from within, I know it’s time to take a deep breath and speak. 

The beauty I have witnessed from this, in everyone around me, is enough to make me continue this practice forever. 

So let’s be kind. To others; To ourselves.

Let's spread the love.